Tuesday, February 10, 2015

My Morning Vixen

I would describe myself as inconsistently spiritual.  At this point, there is no religion where I truly connect; and I have the bad habit of leaning on spirituality only when I need it.  Not that I behave in a godless and lawless manner most of the time, but it just doesn't play into my day-to-day.  Or maybe it does and I only notice it when it provides me some type of comfort.  I guess I'll figure that out at some point.  Or not.  I'm having trouble committing to a decision today. 
Like so many, I connect deeply to spirituality through animals.  I like to think that birds on windowsills or flying overhead at just the right time are symbols or connections.  I know I'm not alone there.  Sure, the reality may be that the heron is overhead because he's about to kill a fish and the cardinal on the windowsill is sitting there because he's suffering brain damage from flying into your neighbor's window.  Who knows? If turning a probably random encounter with nature into some type of sign brings you comfort, why not let it?

But I do think some visits are less random than others.  I've always felt a kinship with foxes.  Foxes are elusive and private and somehow walk a line between vicious and sweet.  I see foxes often and unexpectedly, usually when I crave some feeling of majesty or safety.  When I was little, there was a fox who would appear from a tiny patch of woods in my neighbors' yard.  I only saw him/her when I was outside alone.  She would sit erect like a cat and watch me.  She was neither relaxed nor scared, just casually alert.  Maybe she sat there wondering what kind of six year old boy has roses to tend. 
And then there was my car accident in high school.  I was a senior and it was the last day before Christmas break.  I had probably only slept six hours in seven days, no drugs or alcohol to blame--just a super horny 17 year old riding (no pun intended) the high of finally getting my (then) boyfriend to give it up.  So one minute I'm driving to school thinking about how I'm going to sneak out after third period and bang my boyfriend at the tanning salon--and the next I open my eyes to see my car hit a tree.  I had fallen asleep at the wheel, listening to Britney Spears and wearing flip flops no less, and gone off the road. Britney was still blaring and I remember checking all my limbs thinking I must be terribly hurt.  I walked out of my car relatively unscathed.  Except for my nose where the airbag punched me, leaving the tip of my nose bright red.  Being right before Christmas, I did have to endure many Rudolph jokes.  A small price.  The police officer told my dad that had I not jerked my wheel at the last second to the left, the accident would have been much, much worse.  My vivid recollection is opening my eyes and hitting the tree almost head on.  I do not remember moving the wheel at all.  But the tire tracks in the mud clearly showed a radical swerve.  My dad drove me back home and left for work.  I was stunned and disgusted with myself.  I went outside and just stood in a mental firestorm of fog.  Until I saw a fox.  By this time, we were living in a different house, and some ten years after my original fox.  The fox sat like a cat and stared at me.  It was a feeling of serenity and security.  I still wonder if the swerve and the fox were related.  I, of course, think the fox was a sign that something else swerved my wheel away from the tree.

Anyway, I have been having frequent visits with yet another fox.  After I drink my coffee, Barbie knows it's time for us to go play F-E-T-C-H   (I am conditioned to never speak that word).  The routine is that I take the lid off my coffee cup, take the last sip, and Barbie starts jumping up and down knowing what's next.  In order for her to allow me to go to work, she must be exhausted beyond reason.  A few days ago, somewhere between throws (with this miracle device), I noticed an odd color in the corner of my vision.  A slightly more apricot twinge among the red brown of oak leaves.  Upon further inspection, I realized it was a fox.  A sweet, sleeping fox--curled into a ball.  Eventually, she feels my eyes on her and she wakes up.  Did you know a female fox is called a vixen?This has gone on many days in a row.  I've had a lot on my mind lately...new business ventures (in addition to the salon, not instead of).  I've been all over the place second and third guessing my ideas.  I'll go to bed thinking an idea is brilliant and wake up thinking it's crap.  I've been uncharacteristically unsure of my creativity and ability. 

Foxes no doubt have a personal spiritual meaning to me. This morning I became curious as to their more general spiritual association.  I found luck, confidence, and creativity. 

Just what I need.  

42 comments:

  1. I have never seen a fox that close. Amazing and you have been witness to so many! And you are such a good writer! Good luck with any new ventures, why do we all doubt ourselves so much? You can do whatever it is you wish to do!

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    1. Thank you so much! That's so nice of you to say. Foxes are so beautiful! It's a hard balance to strike, isn't it? Sensible enough to not chase every whim but ambitious enough to follow a good lead.

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  2. Believe it or not central London has loads of fixes. One comes down my road after midnight usually and has been known to scare off drunk tourists. But the fox must definitely be your totem/mascot/ spirit animal. Ps apparently it really is true that if you try to rid of a fox then two appear instead so it's hard to cull.

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    1. Really?! I suspect that is because hunting has been patrolled much longer than it has here. Seeing a fox is relatively rare here. I agree with you that the fox is my spirit animal. And all this time I thought it was Martha Stewart!

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  3. I am a true believer in "signs." It's no coincidence that they appear when you need them, or don't realize that you need them. I think we all embody one big spiritual world, and you're part of that, even though you think you may only call on it when you need it. I think how you describe the fox, vicious and sweet, is very telling. I'm so glad you have found some answers.

    btw, I was in a car accident in high school as well. I fell asleep to "The Man in the Mirror." The day that Michael Jackson died, I dreamt I was in a car accident. I didn't get a sign necessarily, but it made me believe that nothing in this world is random.

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    1. So true--I often think about how our energy interacts other people and we may never know the impact.
      I can't believe you had such a similar accident. I wonder how many people have. Probably would support the case for starting school later for teenagers. I've never been a night owl but when I was a teenager I could not sleep! how interesting about your MJ accident and dream. I still occasionally have dreams about that moment when I woke up and hit the tree. Not exactly a pleasant way to shoot up from bed!

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  4. Amazing pics! And I agree with the previous poster who said the fox must be your spirit or totem animal. As far as religion goes, I have a high degree of spirituality, but my own very odd and unique belief system is a smorgasbord from several I've been exposed to over the years. But if clothing should be personal and taste in food is personal, why would ones' faith not be? So I think you are in good company. Anyway, I hope the fox is a good omen for your new business ideas!

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    1. Thank you! Oh I so know what you mean. I think I do much the same--little bits of many. I hope so too!

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  5. Have you seen Mr Finch's textile art foxes? You would adore...
    Find him on the 'webs..
    Xx

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    1. I haven't! Thank you. I'll look into it!

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  6. I read somewhere recently that our own personal relationship with nature is the MOST important relationship of our lives, more so than a love partner even...
    The fox is definitely your spirit animal, your experiences quite frankly gave me chills! But also I was laughing because you are hilarious. :)
    I pay special attention to birds, there is a cardinal family living in my garden who seem to pop up when I am at my most gloomy. I also had an experience years ago while pregnant with a baby boy I lost, at the time a morning dove had a nest set up weirdly close to the house, the wind smashed her nest overnight and I lost my baby the same day, I felt such a kinship with that bird.
    And aren't dogs wonderful for keeping us connected with nature? If I don't spend time outside every day I feel INSANE, just like my Scout does.
    Thanks for the lovely post your writing is such a treat.xox

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    1. That is so interesting! I've never heard that, but I think I agree. I think nature is intertwined with out sense of place. I know at times I have become detached from nature and the cards start falling! What a beautiful and heart wrenching story about the dove. Especially considering doves' place in death and afterlife association. You're so right about dogs. There are so many sunrises and starry nights and deer and birds I would have ever seen if not for being dragged out by Barbie! Thank you so much!

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  7. you wore flip flops?

    i believe that God and Nature or the Universe are one and the same. They are all perfect.

    i love hearing about your little morning coffee routine with Barbie. Isn't it so awesome how tuned in our pets are? xo

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    1. Hahaha I still wear flip flops at inappropriate times of the year. I hate wearing shoes and would stop completely if I had semi-attractive feet or it were socially acceptable!

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  8. What a beauty! I have a little love-hate relationship with them. I love them but hate when they chase my cat Remy, although I am sure Mr/ Remy did something snarky to provoke them! I just love watching them and the pups play they are truly gorgeous creatures.

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    1. Oh I hope your cat is fast! Haha but I believe you that it was probably started by the cat :)
      They are so gorgeous!

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  9. That is one beautiful fox! It certainly offered you inspiration. Thanks for sharing another part of your very interesting life. Yep...there is something to that energy theory.

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    1. Thank you! I am wondering if she's pregnant. I'd love to watch the little babies! Haha I can't say I've ever thought of my life as all that interesting, but thanks nonetheless!

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  10. Many years ago we got lost driving around a cemetery trying to find my late cousin's grave. I asked my late cousin to send us a sign as I had some beautiful flowers to put on her grave as it was her birthday. Out of nowhere, a beautiful rabbit appeared and started hopping away from us in the opposite direction to which my now hubby, then boyfriend was driving in. I told him to follow that rabbit, which to my surprise he did. Yes the rabbit led us to my cousin's grave & we laid our flowers.
    And I'm with you on not wearing shoes, but it's funny the reaction it produces in others. We were at the museum in Athens in 1996 and I'd taken my shoes off and the guards ran around telling me to put my shoes back on. We laughed because all these other tourists were breaking the rules and threatening antiquities by photographing them using flashes but yes the major threat was the girl walking around whilst not wearing her shoes.
    All the best with your ventures Den xxx

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    1. Oh my gosh that is such an incredible story! I love hearing all these. How incredibly rare for a rabbit to not just disappear but actually hop along!
      So funny about the museum! I know people who are put off by bare feet are REALLY put off by it. If I'm home, there is about a 1% chance im wearing shoes.

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    2. 2 more things...
      We've been to that cemetery over the last few years and have never seen a rabbit since.

      In the Museum, apart from the fact that I like not wearing shoes and the floor was quite cool and nice to walk on in bare foot, I was thrilled when I noticed that all the statues of the greek gods had a second toe that was longer than the big toe. I have quite a few photos to prove this. It made me soooo happy!!! I was thrilled as my second toe is longer than my big toe. I was finally with my people ... ( only kidding ).

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    3. That is too funny as my second toe is longer than my big toe as well! I wonder if that has something to do with the desire to be barefoot. Maybe shoes are less comfortable that way!

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  11. I'm not so fond of foxes - we have them here and they regularly will get into my Dad's chook house (that would be hen house to the rest of the World) and kill all the chooks. So sad. They are a creature that has adapted reasonably well to cities though, as Naomi says and they tend to live on river courses travelling through suburbia.
    But I've never seen one asleep in the day just lying there. I can see why you think maybe they bring some sort of comfort when you're in mental turmoil. I look for signs from my Mum all the time, but can't say that I've seen any. The one thing that did happen, which I found somewhat comforting was that a rose I planted a few months before she died opened out with its first flower on the day she died. The last proper conversation I'd had with her was that I'd planted that particular rose, and she said spontaneously and enthusiastically "Oh I do love Sharifa Asma" (the name of the rose). At that point conversation was fairly one sided, and definitely not spontaneous. So those roses are sort of special to me.
    That car accident sounds scary… did your boyfriend dump you with your rudolph nose or offer mental support??!

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    1. Oh I totally understand not being enamored by them when they've gone after your dad's chickens! I love hearing about the rose! I remember my Elizabeth Taylor rose bloomed for the first time on the anniversary of her death. But what a nice symbol of your mother. You should plant loads more of them :) I've never heard of that rose variety.
      Haha luckily my nose has never been a strong feature of mine so it wasn't too hard to get over! It healed quickly but I wasn't able to tan which was awful at that time as I tanned everrrrry day. He was very supportive. Although I dumped him a month later and then he dumped me a month after that.

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  12. Beautiful pictures of the little fox, and it is so interesting the part they play in your life. I also believe that many things happen for a special reason, and signs are sent for us to interpret. I have also been in a head-on accident, and the other car which crossed the road into us was driven by a 17 year old boy student! Both he and us were seriously injured, but all survived and it has had some positive effects, and certainly made me more grateful and appreciative of life, friends and family.

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    1. Thank you so much Patricia! What always scared me most about my accident is that I could have hurt someone else. I can't imagine the weight that would leave. And so unfair to be hurt by someone else's carelessness. Was the kid who hit you asleep? How incredible you have such a positive attitude about it.

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    2. You are perceptive! He admitted falling asleep to his family but not to the police who did not prosecute.

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  13. Oh, such a lovely story SA. I feel the same way about organised religion and really am much more of a druid in the way I am so superstitious about nature/signs from the universe. Surely, that beautiful little vixen was sending you some peace and love. :)

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    1. Thank you so much! The cynic in me always wants to think otherwise but I really do agree that sometimes a sign is a sign!

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  14. Your fox is lovely! I adore foxes and a couple years ago we had a healthy population of them in our neighborhood. It was wonderful not just because we were afforded frequent sightings, but also because the rabbit population was almost wiped out.

    Your story, by the way, is lovely and I'm so happy that that scary car accident wasn't worse. But is it wrong of me to be as equally horrified by the accident itself as I am by the thought of you waking up from a car accident and the first thing you hear is Britney? :)

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    1. They are so cute, aren't they?! Haha well you know what they say about one man's trash...I still love Britney :)

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  15. Your fox is beautiful. I love them - we have quite a few in our small town on the water, and they are very "up close and personal". Two years ago a vixen made her den underneath a neighbor's shed and we enjoyed seeing her raise her five kits from tiny balls of fluff to wild and crazy teenage foxes. I had a perfect sight line from my desk to the opening of their den, and I can't begin to tell you how many hours I wasted when I should have been working, but was either watching or taking photos of them. Adorable! One of my cats (indoor only) is obsessed with one of them, and likewise the fox with my cat. The fox often comes onto the porch and they look at each other through the glass door. My cat is the same color as the fox - so perhaps the fox thinks the cat is a fox and the cat thinks the reverse?

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    1. Oh aren't the babies just adorable?! I love when their coats begin to turn red. How wonderful to have had a view of them from your desk!

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  16. Ah, you know that I love your writing. Yet another thing that you and Ellie have in common is that you both write so personally and directly that it is almost as if you are just speaking to the reader. And that you mix the hilarious with the important so easily. I love that. And you share that the comments section is nearly as amazing as the posts - several of these stories moved me greatly.

    As far as religion/spirituality? I am keeping my options open. I was really fortunate to travel a ton for a few years there and as I was writing mainly about tribes and traditional cultures, I got to see a wide swath of beliefs. Really wide. I think the one that interested me the most was in Bali, where they have a unique mix of Buddhism, Hinduism, Ancestor Worship and a profound Nature Worship too. They are supported through so many aspects of their day by whatever part of the religion they need and it is pretty beautiful.

    As is your fox. And your story. And the story of your birth. All connected in my mind. Not to mention the possibility that your current little vixen might be pregnant arriving with your current prospects? Right on time. :) Sending wishes of Hope and Strength that they are fruitful for you...

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    1. Thank you so much, Heather! You are so kind. I can only imagine bow enlightening your travels must have been--to see so many variations on religion and spiritual practice!

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  17. We have a regular fox in the garden at London, it looks at us with an air of amused arrogance, almost daring us to come outside while it is there, he is quite lazy and I think probably lives out of our dust-bins. I like his bravado, but he is a mange-y old thing nowhere near as beautiful as your vixen. In the country foxes are wanton murderers, they get into the hen houses and kill everything just for fun, not for food. They aren't very popular.

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    1. Oh I certainly understand how they wouldn't be popular! It's funny I never realized that it's unusual for them to be rare. There really aren't many around here!

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  18. i discovered that clicking on your pictures made them very large and up close... as if i were right there.
    i found myself literally holding my breath! as if privileged to just see this elusive beautiful little creature.
    and your story... oh stephen! only you could tell it with such elan and warmth at the same time.
    hug that barbie for me. i had to spell the word w-a-l-k!
    and even then zeke figured it out. very smart they are.

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    1. Tammy! How are you? Thank you so much. I wish I could format my photos better on here, but I have no patience for bothering with such things! It's funny how it doesn't take them long to learn the spelling, isn't it?!

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  19. I feel the same as you; that animals present themselves as some sort of sign.
    I have a little fox here at the house, and several at the cottage. I also have one very odd looking animal that I can't make out what it is? it looks like a cross between a fox, a dingo, and a coyote. I took a pic of it but couldn't get a clear shot.
    Thanks for commenting on my blog. If you email me at theduchessofh@gmail.com, I'll give you my source for the peacocks.

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  20. I certainly agree to some points that you have discussed on this post. I appreciate that you have shared some reliable tips on this review.

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