Thursday, April 2, 2015

Unrealized

 It should come as no surprise that I have a little habit of collecting.  The good news is that it's not a Hoarders: Buried Alive situation.  I keep things pretty organized and actually keep an inventory on my phone.  But that doesn't mean everything gets used often.  A little while ago, I greatly reduced the amount of china and silver I had.  The things that were never used were easy to get rid of.  The harder calls were those that were used here and there and had vivid memories attached to them.  Although it stung a little at the time--once they were out of my hands and their photos deleted from my phone-- quickly faded from memory and I can't say I miss them or have "needed" them since.
I think a lot of people reserve their special items for A Special Occasion. It's almost like an invisible barrier that prevents you from thinking to use your china unless the event is anointed Special.  The problem is that many moments are not deemed Special until they're over. 

Please pretend you don't see the crumbs in the frosting

Roasted beet and mushrooms topped with goat cheese

What prompted my culling of the tabletop herd was the cleaning out of my grandparents' houses.  Both in 2012, I realized how many beautiful things there were that I hadn't ever seen.  Perhaps I had seen them and not noticed, but I know I hadn't ever used them.  I'm lucky that I know or knew all my grandparents.  And they are all special people.  Creativity runs prominently on each side.  As I sifted through the "junk", I couldn't help but feel twinges of longing and disappointment.  I know exactly the feeling that went into purchasing these little things.  Perfect for a Christmas brunch...just the right color for Thanksgiving...M would love this on his birthday...practically made for Easter
I saw the unrealized potential, and I knew that many weren't used because the perfect storm of perfection never came about.  I am an all or nothing personality.  It's caused me a lot of heartache and it's also saved me from many, many wrong paths.  I used to feel disappointed as holidays and moments passed because they weren't my vision of perfection.  There would be a point where I would just throw my hands up and say I'll have to start earlier next year.  Thankfully I learned relatively quickly that perfection usually only appears in the rearview mirror. 

Easter is a holiday I've never gotten right.  The weather in Ohio never cooperates and I don't think there has ever been an Easter in Ohio where I've seen my vision of a brunch al fresco with warm weather, a forsythia hedge in bloom, and happy children frolicking in unstained pastels happy to eat lamb and eggplant.  Therefore, I've never used my Easter china on Easter.  Well, this year I still won't be using it for an Easter brunch.  Rather, a Good Friday dinner.  My brother will probably come wearing gym shorts and my grandpa will probably put ketchup and tablespoons of salt on my perfectly seasoned lamb.  But it will all be atop my Easter china.  
I got this at $88 for 88 pieces! It's a Noritake "mystery" pattern




I cant count on barbie to dutifully wear pastels

59 comments:

  1. Well, so if you want the perfect Easter, of course you need to be here in California, where the temperatures will be in the 70s. We're actually doing seder dinner that evening, and so your post comes at a great time....why NOT bring out the good dishes, china, etc. You are right, we do not do this enough and end up with gorgeous things that have only seen the light of day once a year, or less. Very sad. I am always afraid of breakage but honestly, I'd rather have breakage than a perfect set which ends up in the consignment store once I'm gone. I'm going to take your advice to heart and use all that stuff more. Great idea.

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    1. Thank you! I'm so glad to hear/read that! I know, I worry about breakage too. But I always figure MOST China/crystal is replaceable now thanks to Replacements and eBay and etsy. Low 70s sounds perfect! It's going to hit 70 here, but 50s and rainy tomorrow. Of course! Enjoy your Seder dinner! Can't wait to hear what you're making!

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  2. This is such a insightful and beautiful post, Stephen. We've just sold our house and soon move into a smaller house, and we need to declutter and pare down our belongings. Sometimes it's not easy to let go of things, especially the ones you have sentimental values. But I feel that we need to release the baggage once in a while so that we can make room for something amazing. Thank you for sharing your world with us. Reading this post uplifted my spirit :) xx

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    1. Yuko! How have you been? Busy I take it, with selling the house! Congratulations, certainly clears the path for moving on. Can't wait to hear about what's on the horizon for you guys. Good to hear from you and happy Easter!

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  3. Stephen, You should really write more often. You DO have a gift for it, you know.?! I am with you. I have started using my "good stuff"-after cleaning out grandparents' houses. I am also getting rid of books that I will never read again (THAT is hard, too). I also HAVE To give up some of my china/dishes. SOOO sad..but yet, I would hope someone else would love it and use it.

    Enjoy your special dinner with your "dressed down" brother and your ketchup sucking papa. lol Life sure isn't perfect, is it. I have FINALLY quit agonizing over PERFECTION! You are way ahead of me, buddy! You are a fast learner. Good for you.
    Easter hugs to you and Barbie- xo Diana

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    1. That is so nice of you to say! Thank you. Oh I hear you on books. It's so hard to get rid of them. I had to force myself to stop buying cookbooks because I have so many that I have never even looked through! Terrible. Also I realized I prefer to cook more from inspiration rather than recipe. I think I gave up perfectionism early because I never had a chance! I'm sure you get way closer than I ever did!

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  4. Oh this is so timely...I just spent the morning cleaning all our silverware! I decided that I would consign at least half of it...we use it so infrequently and it requires polishing at least twice a year...I will keep a few family pieces and the flatware of course.
    Your grandparents' collections would have been fun to go through...as a lover of vintage I would happily spend hours sifting through things like estates and who knows what treasures you might find. Did you keep a few family items?
    Your cake looks delicious...we're not doing a big Easter dinner here as my husband is working to deadline on a big project and has to work all weekend.
    Like another reader mentioned you do have a gift for writing....love your blog!

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    1. Thank you so much! Good luck with your silver consignment! Hopefully it'll sell before you leave and you will have some cash you don't feel the slightest bit guilty spending! The funny thing about the collections on either side is that they were small numbers or individual pieces. I nabbed quite a few things and am glad I did every time I use them! My paternal grandmother had a lot of beautiful colored glass and I took most of it. I did notice that most of her colored glass and crystal lean to one side! I've always wondered if she bought second quality items here and there or if somehow the way they were displayed caused them to tilt! Thanks again

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  5. There is quite a good chance we are identical twins who were separated at birth.
    I took an entire carload to Goodwill last weekend after an attic purge. (My attic is a walk in - soo dangerous as it is way too easily accessible!) There were so many things I am just not "into" or "feeling" anymore as my tastes shift and slightly evolve over time. It felt amazing to drop everything off and drive away and I didn't even go inside and look around while I was there! I think I get a prize for that...
    Good Friday dinner sounds lovely. I am actually doing Easter brunch this year because it just sounded perfect to me. Luckily, my family plays right along to my whims.
    Have a Happy Easter!
    Eleanor
    P.S. Your flower arrangement is divine by the way and could you even imagine collaborating on a dinner party when I buy my farmhouse with a barn? Watch out Martha...

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    1. Oh I know I have lots of hiding places and it's dangerous! Oh I'm so excited to see all the projects at the farmhouse! Please take photos of your Easter brunch! You know I'm actually kinda mad at Martha right now! Do you read Living on your iPad? She ruined the format and it's absolute crap!

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  6. I love the idea of a Good Friday supper and the use of these lovely dishes. using them for this annual supper will make them so special. you did make laugh mentioning your dear relatives. I was always the one to make the holidays special. every year my goofy Aunt Evelyn would ask, who made the coleslaw! I was the only cook all those years,but she asked that same question every dinner we were together. how I miss her and her question, gone now ten years. I adore the you that comes through your writing, you do have a gift. I hope your Fri supper is stirring to the heart......candle light ,I hope ,dimming as the evening ends........ enjoy

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    1. Thank you so much, Suz! That is so very nice of you to say. You know I have never made coleslaw! I always say I'm going to because I hate the way it's made in restaurants but I never make good on that. I'm having a big summer thing so maybe I'll make it for that! Thanks again and happy Easter to you!

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  7. stephen andrew i no longer strive for perfection either. it's just too much work and with very little payoff. it was enlightening watching my son and now DIL plan their wedding in just 10 days. i really learned from them, to go with your gut and good enough is good enough. so i guess it is true, you can teach an old dog new tricks. :)

    your china is so pretty and such a steal! i love the story about your grandparents and there is a lesson for us all too. i would love to come visit you, barbie and the china. x

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    1. Oh and it was so fun to read about! I'm softening on my NEVER getting married stance; or at least I thought I was. In this month's Bon Appetit, there is an extensive story on paring down weddings but still having really good food. I started to think "aww I want to be married.." But I think I actually was just hungry! Haha. You'd love all the turn of the century houses here in Ohio! Just make sure you visit in one of our three weeks of nice weather.

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  8. I've been thinking along these lines lately too. Downsizing, cleaning out and reorganizing everything. I don't have anything that I won't use, my motto is, if you can't use it, get rid of it! Now, if my home were bigger, I might have a problem. :) Enjoy your dinner with the fam...life and all its' messy bits is what (I think) will be remembered years from now. That cake is beautiful! And yes, I had missed the crumbs in the frosting and had to go back and have a look. Sometimes it's better to keep ones' mouth shut. Wise words from my mom. *wink*

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    1. Haha thank you! I was about to exclude it from the post but then I thought if the whole point of this post is allowing imperfection and going with it, it wouldn't be very consistent to leave out the cake because it's not perfect! Good luck with your minimizing project!

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  9. Stephen Andrew I think you are a philosopher. You have said it! I used to try for perfection and end up crying in the kitchen, I'm trying to be more relaxed but I need to haul out my good stuff because as you say there is no perfect holiday. I donated loads of things I didn't use (mostly inherited that I didn't care for and also the things from my failed first marriage and more horribly, my husband's failed first marriage -shudder-) but I still have 4 sets of dishes and decorations for every holiday, must use them!
    Easter is so ridiculous for us in our cold climates, it is never ever right. I remember sending my kids out into the freezing cold to find their easter eggs and baskets! Which we had hid (while freezing) the night before. In all the pictures we are all frozen popsicles.
    I'm cooking a Good Friday dinner, we go out for Saturday Easter lunch to my favourite Toronto restaurant to see our son who is in the middle of exams at UofT, and then I'll host Easter Sunday for my in-laws. There will be ketchup on my roasted lamb, my MIL always asks for it! I'm making a special French menu, very precious, the ketchup will be poured all over it. I'll think of you and then I'll think ahhh, it's perfect. :)
    Happy Easter Darling SAJ. xox

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    1. You're in Toronto?! Why did I think you were on the Pacific coast?! I will come visit you in 2019 when I'm welcome again in Canada! Haha I love Toronto. Oh dear many philosophers are rolling in their graves! Can't wait to hear about your French menu. I'm making a sous vide-roasted leg of lamb. I made a paste of olive, parsley, mint, lemon, and roasted garlic. I think it'll be really good! I feel for the poor kids in the freezing weather. I remember one egg "hunt" in which we were expecting snow on Easter Sunday. The hosts threw the eggs on the lawn and let the snow cover them and "hide" them!

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    2. Oh yes I live just outside of Toronto in Guelph, a University town. A small city but only an hour from downtown Toronto on the train, lots of people who live here commute even though the traffic is hideous.
      I grew up closer to you, in Amherstburg Ontario, we can see Ohio across the lake. I met someone from Ohio recently and I realized we have the same accent!
      Bring Barbie when you visit. :)

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  10. Stephen Andrew! I agree with so many of the comments above. You are an exceptional writer. We have started unloading and have at least 80% to go. Love your photos and the appreciation you have for things and people. Give Barbie a hug for me...she looks great.
    Go with the flow and enjoy every minute.

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    1. Thank you so much! Good luck with the clear out! I'd imagine you guys have a lot of stuff considering you have two barns to catch odds and ends!

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  11. Enjoy your Good Friday dinner and good on ya for using the china! We're having Easter at our house and I actually ordered two tables from Frontgate (folding, it's a long story). One was defective so I sent it back and the PROMISED I would receive a replacement by today. Nope, they screwed up and they first shipped my table today. Which means no table for Easter. So right now I'm trying to figure out where 12 people are going to eat dinner. Pisses me off because I bought a new linen tablecloth I was sort of looking forward to using too.

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    1. Ugh! Get your shit together, Frontgate! I have two Frontgate rugs and I love them. Do you have a Frontgate outlet near you? We have one in Columbus and the deals are often absolutely crazy. I have had to improvise like this before and what I've done is get a large area of fabric to cover the ugly card table legs and then put the tablecloth on top. Also it's worth running over to Goodwill and seeing if you can find inexpensive dining tables and painting them! I would do that and I know a lot of other people wouldn't, BUT I know you are also fearless with the spray paint! Wish I could offer to help (sit with a g&t and shake spray paint).

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  12. Good to hear from you! I have so many thoughts here, I can't type fast enough . . . first, please do a post pronto on Sat. morning about brother, grandpa and the lamb. Second, please give us (me) more detail on your inventory system on your phone. That makes me laugh. :)
    And, when I stopped thinking everything has to be perfect in my life, my life got a whole lot richer. What is perfect anyway? And who's perfect do we go by? I now live by the idea that I'm grateful for everyday and everyday deserves china, silver, crystal or whatever I choose to pull off the shelf. I have a lot of china from my mother, both grandmothers and even one great-grandmother and I love to use it all as much as possible. It's a pretty day...pull out grandma's dishes!

    I do hope your dinner turns out splendidly. I imagine it's a treat to be invited to dinner at your house.

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    1. It's really nothing sophisticated, just albums on my phone labeled SILVER, Blue & White New, Blue & White Old, Blue & White Serving Pieces, Bistro, Jadeite, A few Noritake folders (I seem to have great luck finding Noritake sets), Colored Glass Floral, Colored Glass Stemware, Crystal, and Candlesticks. I used to use an app for photographers called Flexfolio. But realized it was way easier to just use the albums feature on my phone! It's nice because I like to loan things to friends for their parties or events and to show them I don't have to bring the item, we can shop on my phone! I will do a post tomorrow since I always get to the salon way early! Love that you use your beautiful things in your beautiful house! Happy Easter! PS-as I wrote my inventory thing I guess it does sound a little crazy! :)

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  13. Working part time for 4 years whilst at uni about 27 years ago or so in a jewellery and homewares store in the hilton arcade cured any wish or desire to acquire "good pieces" whether it be silver, glass wares, Lalique pieces etc. I can tell you i never want to see a silver polishing cloth ever again.
    Our families bought us a table setting for 12. Initially we only used it for special occasions but now use it regularly and 22 years later it's still intact despite kids and putting pieces in dishwasher.
    Love all the food idiosyncrasies that people have! It does drive me nuts sometimes but comes with a family.
    Have a great Easter. Den xxx

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    1. Den, maybe I should try working among these things to cure me! I actually love polishing silver! But then again I only have to do it a few times a year. For all my dishwasher OCD I actually wash my china by hand, but often wonder if I could get away with putting it in the dishwasher! Love that you use it so well. Hope you have a lovely Easter!

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  14. I hear you re saving everything for a perfect occassion- I use my best stuff every day! So sensible.

    I knew all my grandparents too- 3 are alive, 1 died in 2010 but I still wish I'd known them more.

    Will you yell at your brother for wearing gym shorts? I hate it when people underdress and you've gone to lots of effort.

    Love your easter noritake.

    It is really hot here and we are gardening like MAD.

    Happy easter to you and Barbie x

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    1. So great that you still have most of your grandparents! Haha no if I asked my brother to dress up, he would for sure. I honestly don't care what he wears, just as long as he's there! Plus I'm the pot calling the kettle on this situation since I never wear shoes :)
      I'm waiting on my garden to be less boggy so I can go tend it without sinking! Happy Easter to you!

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  15. The Noritake is gorgeous - do you display your china when not in use?
    Aww, look at Barbie, the picture of zen.

    Perfection is the enemy of good...

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    1. Thank you! I display a fair amount but not usually this set. Barbie is so zen! Haha I swear she does yoga poses.

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  16. Happy Easter Stephen! I have to say that I feel we were separated at birth. I used to be a perfectionist in my entertaining as well, and when I look back at the crazy kids birthday parties I put on in the early days of my kids lives (for instance) I can't believe how ridiculous I would get about all the detail. I remember my husband telling me I was getting too Martha Stewart about things as I hand water coloured a giant beehive I'd drawn and then cut out bee shapes that I also hand water coloured for a "pin the bee on the beehive" for my daughters 4th birthday party late one night in the week leading up to her party (nearly sent me over the edge). Everything was yellow and white (theme was the Queen Bee). After the party (exquisitely executed) she said to me the next day… "but I wanted it to be pink"! Gaaah! I have scaled things back a little the past few years as really I'm the only one that notices the imperfections or the amazing detail.
    Love your china so much. Funnily enough one of my first blog posts was on using your good things. I wrote it after helping my Dad clear out a lot of things at my parent's house after my Mum died. He was overwhelmed by all the cupboards stuffed full of stuff. Only Mum knew where everything was, and I can't pretend Dad entertains the same way as when Mum was around (she was the cook and had the design flair). Post is here http://adelaidevilla.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/using-your-good-things.html
    if you're interested ..some of the picture links are broken now though, sorry!
    Easter here is always hot. But it should be colder as it's Autumn! My kids were swimming in the pool today… I'll send some sunshine your way!

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    1. Oh I can't wait to read it! I'm afraid we couldn't have been separated at birth because you are much much chicer than I am! Haha oh my god I can SO see the kids parties sending me into an obsessive tailspin. At one point when children were on the horizon for me, I actually bought the cutest set of china with little strawberries all over it! I thought how perfect for a 5 year old daughter's birthday. In Australia are you presented with the Northern Hemisphere's version of holidays? Or does Easter in Australia take a more autumnal turn in decor almost like we'd decorate for Thanksgiving? Happy Easter! Did you keep a lot of your mom's china?

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  17. William Morris: something along the lines of "Have nothing in your house that isn't useful or beautiful" ... It's a process, and I'm working on it. Sure can take the fun out of junk shopping, tho.

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    1. I love that quote! I thought a lot about it when I was doing the clear out! You're so right, I only went antiquing/flea marketing a few times last year but it was good because I was much more selective!

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  18. I was also fortunate enough to know all my grandparents well and didn't lose the first one until I was 23...only wish I had asked more questions of their parents, struggles, etc. along with having more mementos.
    I like your approach to holidays and how you take the family lead.
    Happy Easter Stephen!

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    1. That is so great you had your grandparents for so long! Would love to see your grandma's property in Connecticut! Happy Easter to you!

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  19. Hi, Stephen! Hi, Barbie!!
    $88 for 88 pieces? Please take me shopping with you! Such a pretty pattern. I want a set of china for Easter. What kind of cake is that? Looks divine, Stephen.
    Have a wonderful Easter weekend.
    Cheers
    L

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    1. Oh I am like a bloodhound when it comes to finding good deals on china! I'd like to supplement my Easter collection with Noritake 'Amazon' which is so pretty and springy. I also have a set of Noritake 'Arlington' that is gorgeous. You'd love it as it has a grey band and a pink rose in the middle! I want to come antiquing/flea marketing in Maine!

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  20. Hi Stephen, You nailed it on perfection, I have always been disappointed that holidays did not live up to my expectations. Age is making me wiser and now trying to just allow it all to happen as it will. I love your writing and sharing. Your food styling is so beautiful, the cake and the use of the parsley...love. I purged four sets of china before leaving Ohio and 3 trunk loads of books. Not missing any of it so far. I only knew my Nanas. Both grandfathers died when I was too young to remember. My favorite one was the one I inherited the gardening gene from, I think of her all the time. She was elegant and gracious. Hi Barbie girl!

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    1. Thank you so much! Will any of the children be visiting for Easter? Or did you guys fold that into your recent trip to HHI? I got my gardening gene from my grandpa (not the one mentioned in this post) and I'm so glad for it. I'd love to read about your grandmother!

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    2. No kids on Easter, just puppy, husband and me.😕

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  21. Happy Easter, Stephen! It's a rather gloomy overcast day here, cool for early autumn. But out the window the grass is green, there are Peace roses blooming and white gaura "butterfly" bushes are dancing in the breeze.

    Pretty much gave up on perfection during our second diplomatic posting, in Sri Lanka. With often 20+ guests to dinner or 60-80 for drinks I tried hard to make each one beautiful and perfect - but invariably failed.

    Something serious would always go wrong. There'd be an unscheduled power cut for hours or a water cut, etc. One time with 80 guests invited, phone calls started an hour before from people saying how sorry they were, how they'd love to have come but they'd only just got the invitation. The office messenger service had delivered about one third two weeks before but not the rest. We later discovered they'd then rushed out late that day. About 20 invitees turned up - we'd catered for 60 (the no. you'd expect from an 80 mail-out). But was v successful workwise as all really important people had got invitations early and were happy to workshop things at a small function. Just lots of food left over.

    Were once at a big formal dinner hosted by British Defence Counsellor and his wife who looked very distracted - we wondered what was wrong. Then about half way through dinner an almighty row broke out from kitchen. Our hostess disappeared. The cook was drunk as a skunk and v cranky. Shouting at other servants. We all heard loud bangs of saucepans hitting walls and floor and crashes of plates breaking. Everyone went silent for a minute and then started shaking with laughter - but not loud enough for the cook to hear!
    It was a shared experience - you never quite knew what would happen when giving a meal or a party. Heard tales of appearances of rats or even a cobra - but luckily never chez nous (at least not during a party). Best thing was a sense of humour! Best wishes, Pammie

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    1. Pammie, what a fascinating life you have led! You've been so many places and lived so many lives. I'm always eager to read your comments on other blogs as they always reveal something so interesting. I wish you wrote a blog! What a nightmare re the invitations! Ah! Happy Easter!

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  22. I had a pattern similar to your Noritake china. Mine was Homer Laughlin and I loved it so. I left it when I left my Wasband 11 years ago, but think about it from time to time. So lovely! I imagine holidays in my head and they are never as I imagine. Guess why? Because I don't get to write the play of the day. That sucks! haha! Have a lovely day my lovely Stephen.

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    1. Thank you! Well that just means you get to piece together a new collection! I have a "floral" set of china that is all different patterns but they all have flowers. They look so pretty together.

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  23. Stephen, those roasted beets are a work of art! I have a very similar set of dishes that I bought in Florida but they're still packed away, hmmm gotta find them. I love china too, you'll have to take me shopping with you! I used some pretty pink and blue Homer Laughlin for Easter. I envision perfection but the reality is usually nowhere near it. We had a glass breakage which made my daughter cry as she had given me the set for Christmas. At least our weather here in Ohio was nice enough for an Easter egg hunt in the woods - the girls still enjoy it so. You know they're not yet 30 ;-)

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    1. Thank you! Oh I will absolutely show you the best places! They are more on my end of town as everything's a little older up here. I'm in Delaware County and Delaware was founded in 1808 with a ton of houses built 1890s-1910. The antique stores up here are reasonable and always well stocked!

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  24. Glad to hear you like Toronto Stephen. I'm just north of the city in Schomberg.
    I love my china, and although I have had some great vintage buys; I haven't come close to your score on your 88 pieces!
    I use my good stuff every day. My husband doesn't like it, as they don't go in the microwave, so I also have a set of plain white corian (sp). He thinks using paper plates is the way to go.

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    1. Oh I absolutely adore Toronto! It's so clean! And I loved all the unique food markets and it's the safest I've ever felt in a real city. It's so well organized and again-so clean. Not to mention I found the "inventory" to all be very attractive! Haha.
      There are certainly some drawbacks to using the good stuff and paper plates would be way easier! But when I ask myself "would I rather get rid of this stuff or use it?" It's an easy choice :)

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