Friday, May 6, 2016

Big Fat Liar

Ellie graciously included me in her guest series and I'm over there today.  To sum it up, my feelings on people who insist on telling the truth even when it's unhelpful, rude, and only serves to make them feel better:  
Now I need to go panic Thanksgiving shopping to distract me from the fact that my poor baby Barbie is at the vet having a nail removed.  She tried to climb a tree last night around 11 and is fine but broke a nail in the process.  She was wagging her tail excited to catch up with my vet.  I am, predictably, in shambles.
No piece of flow blue or brass bowl is safe in central Ohio is safe this morning.

52 comments:

  1. LOL.. I'm heading over there to read now.... you wuss.

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    1. Haha I doubt you're that much better when one of yours is in peril!

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  2. Aww, I've been there with the nail thing. My dog did that a couple of years ago and it's much worse for us than them! She'll come home with a bandage on her foot and be just fine, I promise! Hopefully a bandage color coordinated with her collar...electric lime green might be a lovely accent? Anyway, heading over to read the answers on Ellie's blog now. Hugs.

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    1. Thank you! She is home and doing well, though quite groggy and acting a little drunk. Now that it's noon I might need to take the edge off myself too. I tried to get another coffee since I dropped my first one earlier in a nervous jumble but then I dropped my second one too. So I'm jittery enough.

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  3. The best line in a few good men is something that I usually say once every two or three days - You can't handle the truth.

    With my close friends - they know me so know that I mean no ill will if I disagree or don't like something. I mean I have chosen stuff that I don't like so it's no personal affront. But reality shows have changed the perception of truth - the most repeated phrase and Bravo Tv lexicon is - if you got something to say - say it to my face - don't talk about me behind my back.

    Um really?

    But - here i go repeat it again - you can't handle the truth.

    I am old school and believe in talking about people behind their backs. Half the time it is only a vent and an informal contest of throwing shade. I mean shrinks are there so we can just sound off for crying out loud.

    I never ask how I look to anyone including my husband - I know my ass is big. Why put people on the spot?

    I hope Barbie is feeling ok!! And you can snuggle with her after you pick her up from the vet!

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    1. Haha exactly! There is so much unnecessary fighting that goes on just because of that mentality. It's fine for the Housewives as that is their content but in real life there's no need to be so rude! I will always tell you your jeans make your ass look small if you always tell me mine make mine look big. Barbie is like a frat boy on Saint Patrick's day as she's asleep flung in about 75 directions with her tongue out. On my lap. So I guess I'm immobilized. I might call an uber just to come in and bring me a glass of wine so I don't have to wake Barbie up to get it. What should I watch?

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    2. There is this show you might be able to tunnel bear - it's called Flowers - it was a short miniseries on the UK channel 4. So British so funny poignant - you will love it!

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  4. Poor Barbie...she sounds like she likes the vet so that is a good sign. Hopping over to red your post on Ellie's blog now...

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    1. Thank you! Yes I love my vet and they are always so good to her. She's home and other than being exhausted seems good.

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  5. FYI "geologic schizophrenia" is now a phrase I hope to use at least weekly. Good thoughts for Barbie and her dad.

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    1. Haha thank you! I've had trouble getting her to sleep! She wants to stand there and struggle to hold her balance instead of just sleep!

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  6. you are simply the best blog on the internet. xo

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    1. Ha! That's not even 10% true but thanks nonetheless :)

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  7. DYING I loved it so much, I almost spilled my drink! xo

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  8. What a treat for a rainy desk-bound afternoon - simultaneous posts from you on your blog and your guest post over at Ellie’s! Never mind that I should be finishing up client fabric orders instead of commenting here and at Ellie’s ...

    I completely agree with your philosophy about lying, plus your love of non-Ellie approved white quartz. I am going to be borrowing your “geologic schizophrenia” description from now on. I frequently find myself spending time with clients trying to steer them away from ubiquitous and ugly granites (among so many other things), while attempting to be diplomatic in the process. My close friends jokingly refer to me as Swiss Miss, aka Geneva. (My Nancy Drew nickname is another story.) Hopefully using your term will cause them to never think of granite the same way, and therefore they will not want it in their new kitchens, forcing me to design around it.

    Hope you and Barbie are relaxing and recuperating !

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    1. Haha well a break is very important when stuck at a rainy desk! Thank you so much! I know! Some of them are so busty it just gives me a headache! Though much easier to keep clean. White Quartz is quite labor intensive to keep clean. I have to buff little black marks out of mine constantly. But at least it's truly cleanable. In a truly truly very long story, red sharpie spelling "SLUT" bled onto my quartz last week and I was horrified but was able to eventually scrub it out! Haha. Barbie is finally starting to seem more normal. My nerves are frayed! I've been watching season 2 of Barefoot Contessa!

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    2. Hahaha not busty! I've never known a busty countertop. Busy* :)

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  9. Poor Barbie, but a good vet is worth gold. She was climbing a tree? Damn if she isn't going to catch those squirrels.
    I so needed this double post SAJ action today as I've been very gloomy and sad, but today the sun is out, I just noticed the trees are full of green buds and now this! Thank you darling SAJ oh and by the way I just went out to the Happy Store and I bought gin which made me think of you. XOX

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    1. Oh Dani I'm so sorry you've been down! But am glad you've been partially restored, bright green new growth does one good! What kind of gin?! I was tempted to make a g&t when I got home at noon but have been responsible. I don't know if it was a squirrel or a raccoon given the hour but she was hell bent on catching it!

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  10. OMG.
    first though. beloved baby barbie.
    anytime they're put under is totally frightening. i always thought... what if he (my zeke) doesn't wake up?
    and now.
    now that i can see the keyboard again.
    i laughed so hard over at ellie's the tears were flowing.
    i like your description of granite counter tops better than mine...
    "geological schizophrenia!"
    i think of it as back bean soup vomit.
    if you're ever stuck for a topic to post here... just answer another of proust's questions! XOXOXO♥
    hug bent little barbie for me.

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    1. Thank you Tammy! Exactly! I am so paranoid it's just horrible. And my little Barbie is finally acting more like herself! Though still a little out of it. Thank god for great vets. Barbie is next to me now asleep with her little green bandage facing out and about ten tennis balls splayed around.

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  11. You and Ellie...double dose of whammy! Thanks so much.

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    1. Thank you Isla! I still need to make your pound cake!

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  12. Are you sure you and Ellie aren't one and the same? Or is it one in the same? gotta be my first choice. Both of you are hilarious and I'm so glad you're her guest blogger!!

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    1. Haha thank you so much! The first time I read Ellie's blog at Janet's recommendation I felt like I was reading my own thoughts! Though her grammar is better I'm sure and database of knowledge is far greater.

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  13. So sorry about Barbie, and I like your coping mechanisms. Umm Thanksgiving shopping". No Fourth of July shopping or is that no one of your holidays to throw a party?

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    1. Haha thank you! Oh Memorial Day and the 4th have been set and ready to go for ages! I think I planned my summer holidays in February :)

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    2. Hardly wait to see what you have planned.

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  14. Stephen Andrew! Get a grip! Barbie will be back to herself in no time. Two cups of coffee on the floor...... I sure hope she knows how much you love her! I read your post over at Ellie's. Looks likes you dazzled a whole new audience (no surprise). Does anyone have a bigger fan club?
    Catch you later.....

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    1. Haha thank you Lori! I never have a grip especially not when I'm worried! Barbie is so so active and for her to not be able to run is so upsetting! Even if it's just for a day or two. As one of my favorite favorite favorite movie lines : "s/he comes from a long line of overreacters"

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  15. Wait, what? Thank goodness for your post as a heads up. I have been waiting for this!! And I laughed so hard but it was also just spot on and brilliant. No attached photo, alas... ;)

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    1. Thank you Heather! Haha nope. I'm working on it!

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  16. Loved your guest blog over at HSD Stephen, you know you really do need to write that book. Even when I don't agree with you I still laugh like buggery.
    Love Cindy F

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    1. Thank you so much, Cindy! Youre always free to disagree with me! I often disagree with myself :)

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  17. Hilarious! Have never been good at lying - was brought up in a home where absolute truth was always insisted on - the George Washington and the cherry tree thing. "Was it you who opened my super expensive perfume and then didn't put the lid back properly and then it all leaked out?" "Ys, Mummy, I cannot tell a lie."
    Terrible, no!? Such a lily-livered sook. Am learning real lessons from your post. I do try to give the answer expected but sometimes slip up. Slaps self on wrist. Must try harder.
    So glad your doggie is coming good.
    Is there any chance you'll be answering some of the other questions n the Proust Quiz? - am keeping fingers crossed. Best wishes, Pammie

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    1. Thank you so much, Pammie! Haha that's how my mom and her dad are! They are ridiculous with their inability to just say the polite thing or let something go! I always tell them they should start a podcast called Water Under the Bridge where they discuss and debate things that don't matter and they can't change! Barbie is so much better this morning! No more Proust answers from me but I know Ellie has assembled a truly fabulous panel.

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    2. Well, the perfume incident was never going to have been my brother or the poodle, so my mother was on pretty safe ground believing I was responsible. A lie would have been so obvious - but I was only v little and just reacted as trained.
      Have been trying to break away from that training as far as I can. Sadly all my parents' generation have now died so it's pretty safe as there's no-one now to frown or wag their finger at me. Yes Water under the Bridge. So important. You're very wise Stephen Andrew. Sorry to hear about Proust answers - was hoping for more. You've just whetted my appetite. Pammie

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    3. Love the Water Under The Bridge idea! You may be a Taurus, Stephen, but you must have a Gemini moon to give you that quick fire wit. How about an advice column: Ask SAJ? The world needs your guidance!

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    4. Thank you, Pammie! Linda, nope not even a shadow in Gemini! Though I am born on the cusp of Gemini. But don't find much of myself in them either. Actually, I have a 1970s set of astrology glasses and have only 11 because some Gemini bought just one and left the rest of the set behind!! Only a Gemini could do that so the story is even better to me than having the full set. My ascendant is in Leo though which does explain why I'm loud and think I know everything and employ and enjoy big hair. Thanks again!

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  18. Stephen glad to hear your Barbie is on the mend. I had a tiny toy poodle, Buddylove, that started having seizures and several vets couldn't figure out what was happening. We finally lost our little guy.....devastating. He died in my arms. I think of him so often.....all the love and life in that little body.Great blog over at Ellie's! Your vibe is so positive, somehow it helps me get through the day!

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    1. Thank you so much, Rose! I'm so sorry about Buddylove! What a cute name. It's just awful when they leave us. I love poodles and have always thought I'd like to have a standard poodle named Evita :)

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  19. YOU ARE A STAR!I think your friend at the GARDENERS COTTAGE suggested you should have your own SHOW!That would make ELLIE PROUD!Then some BRILLIANT person said YOU and HER should RUN the WORLD!YOU GOT MY VOTE!!!!!!!!!!!Hope BARBIE SURVIVES!XX

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    1. Haha thank you Contessa! Barbie is doing well! Hope you're having a happy Mother's Day!

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  20. I am sure Barbie is happy to be back home with Daddy and has forgotten all about her nail.

    Your post on Ellie's blog is of course fabulous and hilarious as usual.

    Love the skipping school technique, I faked notes and was never caught but once had a cop follow me home as I left school during the day and had to run and hide under the cover of my dad's antique car as the nervy guy searched our garage! I was breathing so hard as he was walking within inches of the car and luckily he moved on. Of course he did tell my parents he was looking for me and the sh.. hot the fan.

    I cannot tell you how many times I perused the antique stores in Lebanon, OH over the years! I know every inch of that town. I used to love that garden store and the ice cream parlor for chocolate sodas after shopping. There was a hosta nursery outside of town that was excellent also.

    You are right, the art of lying is often just practicing courtesy and kindness towards others.

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    1. Cindy! I'm so happy to hear from you! Hope you're doing well. How is Bodhi? So funny about your skipping! I should look into that hosta nursery. I still go down to Lebanon every once in a while as the Le Creuset outlet is about ten minutes from downtown Lebanon. Did you ever dine at the Golden Lamb?

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    2. We ate at The Golden Lamb many times,my family used to take us there when we were kids. We called the menu granny food, I was always fascinated that so many President's had stayed in the bedrooms upstairs.

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  21. Poor Barbie. I hope you are both on the mend. Loved your post at Ellie's: fabulous!

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  22. Oh No, when my do was a puppy, my husband opened the door on his paw and cracked a nail. Luckily it did not need to be removed but it has scarred me and my dog. Plus I never let my husband forget it.
    My dog, Cheli, loves his vet, he somehow gets the lid off the treat jar every time so he believe it is his own personal candy store and my vet always says he is the most handsome dog he has ever seen. Not to brag or anything. MB

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  23. Stephen darling - if ever there was a reason I'd move to Ohio you are it. Alas I am in the throes of moving to San Miguel de Allende, MX and already I miss you.

    I found you this morning on Ellie's blog and left a comment there about you. I am so in love I can't tell you and am not ashamed to say it. Now I've found your blog, and forever more I will stop here to see if you've posted something new and fabulous.

    You're adorable!

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