|Now is the perfect time to get the dining room in shape. An hour before Thanksgiving dinner is not.|
|Also time to get polishing!|
Yes, football and Thanksgiving are entangled for many. In my ever-losing quest to be a better person, I decided I would plan for football this year—you know, accommodate those who want to watch. What time is the game? There’s three. What the fuck?! What time are they?! 12:30, 4:30, and 8:30 You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! What the fuck is their problem?! Who does that?! Well, which games are important to you? All of them (indiscernible rage, sounds of broken glass and severed cable cords). Also, did you know the Redskins play the Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day? Now, really, whose bright fucking idea was that? Let’s take a team with a highly controversial Native American racial slur as their name and have them play on Thanksgiving? Has 2016 not been contentious enough for them? I guess it would be worse if they were playing the New England Patriots. For that one they’d probably have some bullshit narration of Bob Costas saying Ahhhhh Reeeemaaatch ----fouuuur hundred yeearhhs in the may-king.
No. Never mind, I will accept another year as being a selfish asshole and make no overtures to incorporate football. I will encourage everyone in my family to celebrate the holiday in their own way, as long as it’s my way. Like my mother did during a Christmas Eve basketball game, I will sooner go downstairs and turn off the fucking breaker before I’ll allow football to encroach upon Thanksgiving. My uncle still talks about that to which my mother threatens I’d do it again.
I think my brother actually tried to con me this year. He insisted I join his fantasy football league. Like harassed me until I submitted. He promised I would get really into it, because he says no one can play fantasy football and not care about it. Well, now that the season has been going on for like 300 weeks, I can assure you that I still do not give a shit. First I drafted all the quarterbacks I could get. Allegedly you can’t play them all at once but I liked the idea of having them so no one else could play them. This made him and the rest of the people very mad. So I got rid of them and let him pick my team, which I named HowBoutThoseDolphins a reference to this. And seemingly every day, he texts me wondering if I’ve set my lineup? I don’t know what this means, so I say yes. I think I lose every time. Honestly, the only thing I do is send gifs of Real Housewives and Betty Draper to the rest of the league. I’m pretty sure they’ve all blocked me. I think he regrets forcing me to join.
So now that it’s November, all the November issues of the magazines are finally out. Most were out by last Monday, so I’ve read all the relevant ones I could think of. Please let me know if there are good ones I’m missing. Overall, it was not a banner year for print publication of Thanksgiving. I’d say Worst in Show goes to Bon Appetit and Best in Show goes to Food & Wine. Martha Stewart Living is decent, but their Thanksgiving feature is awful. I meant to keep this post under 200 words and focus more on pictures because my last post was so long, buuuut…sorry.
So rather than share my feelings on these various bits of newsstand Thanksgiving coverage in words, I thought I’d rely on the same gifs I use to express dismay and occasional joy in fantasy football.
|This is not how you carve a turkey, but goodness isn't BA avant garde? Tattoos! |
They are so very in tune with ~millenials~
|Onto Food & Wine. I enjoyed this and liked the graphic|
|I don't care for Anthony Bourdain, though I love Kitchen Confidential , I was surprised just how|
much I enjoyed this. Probably my favorite of any of the Thanksgiving features.
|I'm going with almost the same palette this year|
|This is what I want to see in a Thanksgiving feature. Not a fucking spatchcocked, bedraggled bird.|
I say that as someone who cooks his turkey cut in pieces, because I am a hypocrite.
|My pulse has lowered|
|You know who this reminds me of|
|Does this combination sound good to anyone?|
|My favorite of the November Editor's Letters, Country Living.|
|Oh yes! I love this house from the outside. So perfect for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to see the interior!|
|That apple tart would be a nightmare to slice, but A+ for this photo. I've yet to embrace a|
slab pie, have you?
|Onto Martha Stewart Living. I'm not crafty and wouldn't do these but I like them.|
|Thank you, this is what we want from Martha. I tried a braided crust once and it didn't go well.|
|Classic Martha that I love|
I also read Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, and Food Network Magazine and can't say there was much to highlight there. Food has a tablesetting guide from some of their hosts to help you if you've always dreamed of having an ugly table.
Also, if you're an ipad magazine reader, Martha Stewart Living November 2011 is superb as is Bon Appetit November 2013. There is an etiquette guide in BA 11-13 that I love so much I had printed.
How will you handle football on Thanksgiving? In my first post, several of you said you allow it to be on--while you eat? What are the rules? Did you read any of the November mags?