Thursday, November 3, 2016

The November Issues

 I hate football.  I don’t get why anyone gives a shit about these guys running back and forth for like three fucking hours.  Honestly, I think they are underpaid.  To sign your life away for allllll thaaaaat tiiiiiime with the risk of debilitating injury and lingering effects would not be worth it to me.  Can you imagine if I played football and they told me I had to come to work and play a fucking game on Thanksgiving?  I would make a fake doctor’s note and tell them I had strep throat.  I know a few football players and they have about two weeks they are home in July.  Other than that, they always have somewhere else to be.  Awful.  They have no time to make their Christmas garlands or clean their bobeches.  You know no matter how good a housekeeper is that he or she won’t clean the bobeches.  I don’t even think I’d like the locker room.  Everyone’s probably too battered and bruised to enjoy the view.  Why bother working out so much to look bad in a speedo because your ass has an ikat pattern?
Dusty bobeches
Now is the perfect time to get the dining room in shape. An hour before Thanksgiving dinner is not. 
Where I live, college football is much more important than professional.  I like college football a little more because I like the band and the autumnal vibes.  But I still pretty much hate it.  Also I think it’s disgusting how much money a big university makes from football and the players don’t get paid.  There’s often an annual scandal here where an OSU player accepts some kind of illegal gift or financial contribution that he shouldn’t.  These people are local idols, in school, and have their entire waking lives consumed by football.  When do they polish their silver?  When do they style their breakfronts?  How the fuck are they supposed to go get a job?  In my opinion, they should have enough money to go buy their moms Rolls Royces and live in luxurious homes even in college.  The money’s there.  OSU just spends it on fundraisers instead.  But like most of my opinions, I am in the minority of the minority.
Also time to get polishing! 

I might take Anthony Bourdain's idea and roast a prop turkey just to finally do my dome justice.  Leftover turkey is always scarce anyway.  It's not as dramatic to lift the dome and see an already cut turkey underneath.  The dome was a Christmas gift and the tray was found at an estate sale.  The dome is 23 inches wide and the tray is 25, excluding the large handles.  

Yes, football and Thanksgiving are entangled for many. In my ever-losing quest to be a better person, I decided I would plan for football this year—you know, accommodate those who want to watch.  What time is the game?  There’s three.  What the fuck?! What time are they?! 12:30, 4:30, and 8:30 You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! What the fuck is their problem?! Who does that?! Well, which games are important to you?  All of them (indiscernible rage, sounds of broken glass and severed cable cords).  Also, did you know the Redskins play the Dallas Cowboys on Thanksgiving Day?  Now, really, whose bright fucking idea was that?  Let’s take a team with a highly controversial Native American racial slur as their name and have them play on Thanksgiving?  Has 2016 not been contentious enough for them?  I guess it would be worse if they were playing the New England Patriots.  For that one they’d probably have some bullshit narration of Bob Costas saying Ahhhhh Reeeemaaatch ----fouuuur hundred yeearhhs in the may-king
No.  Never mind, I will accept another year as being a selfish asshole and make no overtures to incorporate football.  I will encourage everyone in my family to celebrate the holiday in their own way, as long as it’s my way.  Like my mother did during a Christmas Eve basketball game, I will sooner go downstairs and turn off the fucking breaker before I’ll allow football to encroach upon Thanksgiving.  My uncle still talks about that to which my mother threatens I’d do it again
I think my brother actually tried to con me this year.  He insisted I join his fantasy football league.  Like harassed me until I submitted.  He promised I would get really into it, because he says no one can play fantasy football and not care about it.  Well, now that the season has been going on for like 300 weeks, I can assure you that I still do not give a shit.  First I drafted all the quarterbacks I could get.  Allegedly you can’t play them all at once but I liked the idea of having them so no one else could play them.  This made him and the rest of the people very mad.  So I got rid of them and let him pick my team, which I named HowBoutThoseDolphins a reference to this.  And seemingly every day, he texts me wondering if I’ve set my lineup? I don’t know what this means, so I say yes.  I think I lose every time.  Honestly, the only thing I do is send gifs of Real Housewives and Betty Draper to the rest of the league.  I’m pretty sure they’ve all blocked me.  I think he regrets forcing me to join. 
So now that it’s November, all the November issues of the magazines are finally out.  Most were out by last Monday, so I’ve read all the relevant ones I could think of.  Please let me know if there are good ones I’m missing.  Overall, it was not a banner year for print publication of Thanksgiving.  I’d say Worst in Show goes to Bon Appetit and Best in Show goes to Food & WineMartha Stewart Living is decent, but their Thanksgiving feature is awful.  I meant to keep this post under 200 words and focus more on pictures because my last post was so long, buuuut…sorry.

So rather than share my feelings on these various bits of newsstand Thanksgiving coverage in words, I thought I’d rely on the same gifs I use to express dismay and occasional joy in fantasy football.
Pretty

This is not how you carve a turkey, but goodness isn't BA avant garde? Tattoos!
They are so very in tune with ~millenials~
Onto Food & Wine. I enjoyed this and liked the graphic

pleasant

I don't care for Anthony Bourdain, though I love Kitchen Confidential , I was surprised just how
much I enjoyed this.  Probably my favorite of any of the Thanksgiving features.
I'm going with almost the same palette this year

This is what I want to see in a Thanksgiving feature. Not a fucking spatchcocked, bedraggled bird.
I say that as someone who cooks his turkey cut in pieces, because I am a hypocrite.

My pulse has lowered

You know who this reminds me of

Does this combination sound good to anyone?
My favorite of the November Editor's Letters, Country Living. 

Oh yes! I love this house from the outside. So perfect for Thanksgiving. Can't wait to see the interior! 


Cute idea


That apple tart would be a nightmare to slice, but A+ for this photo.  I've yet to embrace a
slab pie, have you? 

Onto Martha Stewart Living.  I'm not crafty and wouldn't do these but I like them.  

Thank you, this is what we want from Martha.  I tried a braided crust once and it didn't go well.
Have you?


Classic Martha that I love
And then..

I also read Better Homes and Gardens, Good Housekeeping, and Food Network Magazine and can't say there was much to highlight there.  Food has a tablesetting guide from some of their hosts to help you if you've always dreamed of having an ugly table.  
Also, if you're an ipad magazine reader, Martha Stewart Living November 2011 is superb as is Bon Appetit November 2013.  There is an etiquette guide in BA 11-13 that I love so much I had printed.  
How will you handle football on Thanksgiving?  In my first post, several of you said you allow it to be on--while you eat? What are the rules?  Did you read any of the November mags?  

67 comments:

  1. I am with you completely on the Football issue. Baseball...the same. To me, they are mere cultural activities which you can build a meal around if you choose. That is the most interesting thing about each sport, frankly...the winter and summer meals that can be prepared around their theme. As for Thanksgiving, I am sensing a disturbance in the force that's telling me you are going to be roasting a whole turkey this year in lieu of sous vide. I look forward to the pics. If you can get the breast as tender and flavorful you can sous vide style, I may switch back!

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    1. I agree with you! I like some light to moderate football theming. The whole tailgate thing and all that. Oh no, there is no way to cook it as perfectly as sous vide. It's honestly just for presentation that I want it! I haven't done a great big turkey platter in several years and I miss it! I always buy two turkeys because I basically forced my friend Elizabeth into raising them so I want to make sure I'm a good customer. So I figure I can roast one whole and then let it rest a good long time and get some moisture back and carve it exclusively for leftovers.

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  2. I learned a long time ago not to do any of Martha's clever crafty food tweaks. She has a supporting cast of millions, most of whom graduated from art school, and I have .... me.

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    1. Haha! I know what you mean. Usually I think Martha makes things so digestible and is such a great teacher but the braided crust was just a bridge too far

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  3. I tried a braided pie crust once and I had a meltdown. I threw it all over counters in frustration which was stupid because obviously I then had to clean it up, which made the afternoon even worse of course.
    Around here a sporting event would NEVER interrupt a holiday meal. Our television is in our basement family room though, very far removed from the dining room, I think in an open-concept space this would be a difficult thing to control. I would have a hard time with our family because MrBP, his Dad and brothers are all sports FANATICS.
    I can't relate to football either, I can watch it if I have a giant glass of wine and either a new Vogue/House Beautiful or Pinterest. Now baseball is another story, I love it. I'm re-watching game 7 right now actually. But could you include me on your fantasy football group emails please because that's hilarious. Love the gifs here and guess what I started watching Don't Be Tardy because you mentioned it on one of your posts. OMG it's hilarious. xox

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    1. Haha! Oh I'm so glad I am not the only one re braided crusts. God, they are so frustrating. I think one must have an icy cold kitchen. Maybe if it's cold this year and not fucking sub tropical as it seems to be anymore, I can set up a board outside and make a braided crust that way. They are so pretty! I love Kim Zolciak but actually don't watch Don't Be Tardy! FF says it's hilarious though. I got sour after season 1 episode 1 so I really should give her another chance. I will never be roped into fantasy football again!

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  4. Hey, Stephen, tell us how you really feel. :)

    Football. I'm a fan. It's in my genes. My dad played college ball. Quality time for us was sitting on the sofa, screaming at the game on TV. Any questions I had about the intricacies of the game, he answered them for me.

    I am a Redskins fan ... have been for as long as I can remember. Over the summer, I was having a conversation with an elder from the local Indian tribe. I asked him if 'Indian' was an okay term, or if he preferred the more PC 'Native American'. He said that I can call him whatever I want. Then, I asked him about the controversy over the Redskins' name. He said that he was contacted by anti-Redskins folks to get a statement of his opinion on the name. He told them that he had no problem with it, and neither did the other local tribes. THOSE opinions aren't the ones that get out there, because they're not the ones that the mainstream media agrees with. Objective reporting? I call a big fat BS on that one.

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    1. I so wish I liked it! My childhood memories are of it being on and just wanting it to go away! Haha. Well you know I'm usually so shy with my opinions :)
      It is confusing in regard to Native American/American Indian/Indian. I think the preference changes from time to time. I figure Native American makes most sense if the continent is America and they were here first.
      I totally agree with you in regards to being so fussy and fighting about changing the team name. Obviously I don't care but I feel like if it's a private business and the team doesn't want to change it, then they don't have to. If someone is upset or offended, I'm not sure why they would continue to support the team rather than take their business elsewhere. I'm never for meddling in private businesses. I think people spend way too much time being outraged instead of simply opting not to financially contribute to a business with which they disagree.

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    2. What you were talking about. Age of outrage

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  5. Football has no place in our Thanksgiving, even though my husband was raised in a Midwestern football-loving family. I will never forget the one (and only) time I spent New Year's Day at the home of some of his cousins: nothing but football (with food on trays in front of the television).

    Our Thanksgiving meal this year will be a potluck at the Willamette Valley winery of other of my husband's cousins, who also migrated west. We particularly want to spend time with the cousin who has ALS...and, when he is resting, helping plan an ALS research fundraiser. We haven't decided what we will contribute to the potluck, but I'm quite sure that cranberries will be its focus. Thank you for yet another great post!

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh my god trays in front of the TV! No! Were they at least silver trays? Haha! By the way, you will be very proud of how I voted. I thought big picture rather than my desire for a futile protest. I didn't enjoy it though.
      I'm so sorry to hear your husband's cousin has ALS. ALS fundraisers have been on my mind since Ellie passed away and I haven't had just the right idea yet. It's a hard thing to do because I want the money to just simply go to the cause-not to the costs of having an event or an item to sell. I am kind of thinking what I might do is just wrap all my Christmas presents with pinstripe navy ribbon and set a dollar amount I donate for each gift I give.

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    2. That is a great idea, Stephen. I'm looking for ways to transform my sadness about Ellie into actions that honor her, and that may be one of them! Thank you, Leslie

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  6. oh god.
    I have finally stopped laughing. tears streaming. literally. I laughed helplessly through this whole thing.

    and you picked a favorite scene from one of my all time favorite movies. I even own the dvd.
    I may just order thanksgiving for one and watch that movie for the millionth time. right here.
    in my little cozy 'safe harbor' apartment.
    I've never had that 'lonely holiday' feeling. EVER. a monk at heart I guess.
    I know. hard to believe. but if I WERE to EVER get a little sad... I would simply read THIS POST again. XO♥

    the pictures and their placement throughout the post ... all divine.
    except.
    I hate a trussed turkey. it always looks so pitiful.
    it just smacks of bondage in a bad french movie to me. YUK!

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    1. Oh thank you so much! Is the Birdcage not the best movie ever? I have seen it so so many times and it never loses its luster. Haha I know what you mean about an overly trussed turkey! I like them lightly trusses but not so much that the legs and thighs can't brown because they are tied so tightly!

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  7. this is so good saj. i don't even know where to start. football for me is all about being lazy on sundays and eating on the sofa. sometimes i don't even know who's playing but i'm staring at the tv.

    i don't have the same kind of family as yours. i have 3 sons that have zero interest in any of this. alex comes close to caring but when it comes to the work, no he's just like the others.

    i think sides are what it's all about and i've thought that long before i became vegan. the sides are just so awesome. that cornbread crouton brussel sprout dish looks amazing and i'll find the recipe for it.



    xoxo

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    1. Thank you so much! I get that! My sister says she likes it for that reason. She calls it mindless comfort. It's too much chaos and energy for me. I hate nothing more than a crowd so I think it's just overwhelming.
      I think it'd be so hard to have three straight sons! Impossible to wrangle! I'm sure they'll be forced into a bit more order as their kids get older. But if it makes you feel any better, sometimes my family gets so annoyed with me in my holiday stupor. Of course I believe whether it's Burger King or a heritage free range pedigreed college educated turkey, it doesn't matter as long as people come together and observe the holiday somewhat.

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  8. omg... Vacuuming then glass cleaning the bobeches is literally on my current "to do" list. I have about 6 running list;)
    I like football on in the background while cooking. Feels fallish and homey. I will watch (i.e. playlike watch while I read a design magazine;), but the rule is if Dan want me to sit there and look up when he says "Watch this play"(me rolling my eyes, cuz if I wanted to watch the play I would have been watching the first time it happedned:) then there is a foot or backrub going on or I leave!!! :) For Thanksgiving dinner the football game gets paused and turned off:)

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    1. Haha I like your strategy! You must be bribed to watch! Actually I had a bit of that when I was little. I have an uncle from Michigan who is a huuuuge Michigan fan (Ohio State's major rival) and he bought me a Michigan jersey when I was little and gave me $5-$10 for each time I said "Go Blue" to my dad. I am a compulsive list maker and have many, many going myself! Cleaning the bobeches is rather pleasant until you come across a bug!

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  9. I loved the November Southern Living! If I could pull off that apple tart, my family would plotz.

    I'm also very lucky that football doesn't figure prominently in our celebration. My husband gave up on pro football several years ago.. and #1 son (at whose house we will celebrate) has never been a sports fan. However, it would really be worth it to see Tom Brady cleaning a bobeche.

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    1. Haha I guess Tom Brady might be most likely to! Oh you can definitely make that tart! Those are easy as long as you have an eye for symmetry. What's hard is striking the balance where the apples are sliced thin enough and cooked enough to stand up but still be sliceable.

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  10. My goodness, since these days I tend to wake up in the night and think, "wait, where am I?" I honestly cannot give an honest "share" about the Thanksgivingness of this post other to say that I love it. You are just amazing, Mr SAJ and your writing abilities give so many of us an enormous amount of joy whether you realize it or not...

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    1. Thank you Heather! I hope things are going well over there. I'm a little worried you might hate France now without cheese, bread, and wine?

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  11. I read your post to colleagues today and they were laughing like crazy. We are all taking an early retirement package that was offered and we decided to decorate the office for Christmas today with old school decorations. I know it is early, but we said what the heck or ho ho ho!

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh how fun! I was listening to Christmas music earlier!! So when is the big day?? Or was this a group decision made for a while down the road?

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    2. Five more weeks and we are out the door. This group is thrilled. Not so sure about others, but this group is fun. Boxing stuff up and all of our personal effects have been taken home weeks ago. Some people feel said for us, but we are not sad at all. One young women loved a print that was on my wall. She is a new employee. I said to her you can have it since I am taking the deal and cannot use this at home. She was shocked but delighted. Loved giving this to someone who really liked it. It will have a good home with her in her office.
      Others who have been given the deal are not so happy or have been married to their jobs. Ummm- not us. Many of us already have new jobs offers.
      I also have been listening to Christmas music on the radio. We have a station that starts playing it on November 1.

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  12. I definitely SEE BARBI in the SILVER DOME and maybe you in glasses and a baseball cap?IS THAT YOU or are my eyes playing tricks on me?NO, I have magazines piled high...........at the moment too much into CECIL BEATON to be looking at the MAGAZINES!I do ELLIE"S TURKEY DAY so I do not even LOOK for other recipes.............THERE WILL BE NO FOOTBALL ON HERE WHILE WE EAT.NOT ONE OF MY BOYS LIKES IT!!!!!! How I managed that I have NO IDEA.I have a postcard to send to YOU .........has to do with THAT HOUSE YOU LIKE!
    XX

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    1. You are so lucky! The Cal-talian vibe of your family must protect you from football! Yes that's me but no baseball hat! My head is like 3 feet in diameter and my hair is five inches high so there's no fitting hats for me! I love so much that you use Ellie's recipes! Doesn't the walking pizza remind you of her frito pie? I love nothing more than an old New England house

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  13. Should I admit here that I had to google bobeches?... I know, slap me.

    That apple tart looks fabulous! I say there's your challenge this year! I know, slap me again.



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    1. Haha I have learned many words on your blog I never would have learned otherwise! That's the wonderful thing about them. I love making tarts like that! I just don't love slicing them. I made one once where the only way I could get neat slices was with a serrated knife through the apples and then a chefs knife through the custard and crust. Very annoying!

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  14. Beautiful chandelier! Funny thing, I tend to study the details of them, arm shape, crystals, etc. and decide if I love it and I knew right away I love this one! Funny post with the gifs. Honestly I don't know why a Bethany Frankel would ugly cry about anything given her success and fortune but I guess she has to earn her paycheck just like everybody else (and I don't watch the show - can't). ;) I don't mind a family gathering with the TV on in the background probably because that's how I grew up and how it was at every holiday. The crowd is usually diverse enough and the TV watchers easy going enough that we can converse, eat and not get yelled at by the sports fans who are watching, so it works. Pro football is in a league of its own compared to the college level, which has its very dark side (pro does, too, in different ways). I watched a documentary about it where the athletes are worked and trained within an inch of their lives and some live in poverty while the coaches and schools get sponsorships and loads of incentives to get the right players. Some of the players spoke of going to practices hungry and not one coach or school official offered to help, just focused on the training and obviously, their own pockets. I wish it were different, and then we cheer our favorite pro teams and tend to forget the sordid past. I guess as a society we are just better at cheering. I hope it gets cleaned up where it needs it at the high school and college levels, in any case. I could not comprehend beyond pumpkin, lemon. Lemon is a double-edge sword of ingredients. In a couscous or a side dish of sautéed shallots, shredded carrots and chopped almonds it adds a brightness to the dish that is so fresh and appealing. Mixed with something else, such as pumpkin or, heavens no, cream cheese, I can only imagine a curdled mess. when Martha arrived in my living room I was a young mom who loved to cook and who loved ideas on how to decorate my little Cape Cod house. I could write a blog about the 20-foot rose hedge I tried to create from her rose garden episode that I watched twenty times. Let's just say I wasn't successful (and would it have hurt you Martha to warn a person not to plant roses in clay-ey soil?). The ensuing dismay was assuaged eventually when I learned of her army and I could say to myself, I am only one person. :) Happy T-Day Preparations! ~Nicole

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh I so treasure the old Martha gardening footage and magazines. On a nasty cold day in February, I always pop in this old Martha Stewart gardening series of dvds. I don't like a lot that Martha does nowadays but she's precious to me regardless. How valuable just to be inspired! I'm sure you can grow roses so much easier now in California! Does your balcony get enough sun for them? I actually loooove lemon+cream cheese! Cream cheese is like the cast iron of dairy. It rarely rarely breaks or curdles

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    2. Ha, good to know! So what do you put that pairing with? The One Pie pumpkin pie recipe calls for an optional spoonful of lemon and I've never put it in - too afraid it will sour the flavor of the pie. It must surely serve a purpose other than taste.

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    3. Not sure about roses on my balcony, but if I try it'll be next spring. There is a little row of rose bushes at the bottom of my stairs, full of thorns, and my grandson has thrown bouncy balls off the balcony twice and had them land in them and puncture. Not kid-friendly landscaping! Agree about Martha. She captivated us with not only her talent, but her inherent love of home-keeping, almost to a sacred level. I think we needed to hear in a time that applauded frenetic energy and work that it was ok to be home and enjoy its care. Her subject matters were timeless things we wanted to know how to do or at least see how it was done. What else could she possibly cover?

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  15. Ok Stephen Andrew! You are out of control now.... If only the entire world could be tuned in to your rants. This was hysterical and I can't believe the amount of effort you put into gathering all this shit.
    Can't you just self publish your posts? You would be on the New York Times Best Seller List.
    PS I vote that you should not watch TV during Thanksgiving dinner.

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    1. Haha thank you so much, Lori! Oh the gifs are so easy to embed! And I text them all the time because they are all favorites. My favorite favorite is the Betty Draper slap at the end.

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  16. Bless you !!!!!!!!!!! I hate football too !!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate football season !!!!!!!!!!!

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    1. Haha I'm so glad I'm not the only one! And I know it's swimming against the tide to hate football in New Orleans! Stay strong!

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  17. I only watch Super Bowl in the states if I have a bet on with friends otherwise I find the lack of fluidity rather boring - it's just so staid. But in theory leave it on as it gives a nice distraction if conversation gets a bit dull or family badgery. My most pinned picture on pinterest is one of the different crust shapes martha did a few years back. Classic martha as you said - comparative cooking. I like the pie finishes pictures. I don't get BA but maybe I should. Funny I haven't renewed my martha subscription - should i? it's hasn't been pisstake worthy for quite a while and even the leaves sewn with names is something you can get kids to do and keep them quiet for an hour.

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    1. I wouldn't bother with BA. Their emphasis is on playing restaurant with ease at home. Who wants to do that? The beauty of home cooking is that it's home cooking! Also BA only styles food in one way which gets boring. They very much have a style and a look but I don't like it. It's a bit like the approach cooking and presenting food as drudgery which is puzzling because I don't think people who feel that way would be reading a good magazine. But sometimes when it hits right it's really good. I probably just have a bad attitude.

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  18. Oh my!
    You have football and we have HOCKEY! Sports are not "REAL LIFE" or are they?
    I try not to watch...I knit, cook, clean and pour drinks and I am still in the minority as to being a fan of the game...
    Mother, (who grew up in Trail, home to the Trail Smoke Eaters) darling daughter, son and my husband are ALL fans.

    I must have missed that gene!

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    1. Haha I like that team name! It's not very catchy or intimidating! At least hockey is kind of fun with the goalie and the sticks. I've been to many Blue Jackets games and don't mind them because it's cold in there!

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  19. I'm not as big into football as some people. Like my team the Carolina Panthers went from almost #1 (darn you Broncos) to embarrassing in mere months. Too unbalanced

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    1. haha I actually know about the Panthers! My aunt is a huge panthers fan so she gets us Panthers stuff for Christmas. I have a Panthers apron and scarf. Can't say I've ever worn them...but they have a game early on Christmas Eve, so I'm going to hang a Panthers flag for her.

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  20. Seriously I have just laughed so hard through all of this!!! Your juxtaposition between ugly magazine stuff and the Betty Draper moment is hilarious! I have no idea what Fantasy Football is, but it sounds dreadful. I had to run the office footy tipping once, years ago when I was working as a sort of community service thing for my fellow inmates at the office. I have zero interest in football, but no one trusted the secretary who had previously run it as she would always win. Anyway, I ran it through a website, so everyone submitted their tips electronically and then the website would tell us all who was winning... and I, the person who had no interest in football and was also running the thing won. So I got $400 from the office tipping pool, and everyone hated me. I never ran it again.
    But there is a lot in American culture that puzzles me, like the recipes I see on Pinterest that include packet cake mix, or those lunchables ad things you put an image of there. What the hell is that?? Surely no one would want to eat it? Food in a bag and you eat out of it???? So unappetising looking...
    I enjoyed that Martha issue too, loved the pie crust feature, although not sure I have the patience to do any of it.
    I also wanted to mention that we have a lolly (candy to you) that is called a redskin. It's so delicious, kind of chewy, and has the image of a Native American on the side. That one hasn't been renamed/ rebadged yet, as obvs. here it doesn't have the same slur like connotations. But they did rename Fags, the number one lolly of my childhood. They were pretend candy cigarettes (Fags was Aussie slang for cigarettes), with fake red lit tips. I remember walking around pretending to smoke them and chewing them down gradually. They decided to rename them Fads, and take off the red colour on the end. Apparently giving children fake cigarettes was seen as not responsible parenting after the 80's. Enjoy the thanksgiving prep! x

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    1. Thank you! I so wish it were called Footy Tipping here! Haha that is so cute! Hilarious that the secretary had the whole thing rigged in her favor and then you, with no interest, would win! For college basketball there is a tournament where you fill out a bracket and it's a big competition. Anyway I filled one out once and chose these two random schools called George Mason and Oral Roberts being the final game. I didn't care so I didn't pay attention to rank. I did it all so I could make a joke about George getting oral. This low ranked team ended up in the last round and no one predicted it out of like 500000 people in some official pool. Unfortunately I wasn't in that pool!
      So funny about the candy cigs! Yes what could possibly go wrong with giving kids toy cigs!
      The use of canned/boxed things in American home cooking is a really interesting thing. It's always seemed bizarre to me, but my mom didn't cook at all. So there's no nostalgia ensnaring me to a lot of these things like there is for other people.

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    2. We have a lot of the convenience foods here too, but not quite to the extent you do in the US. The packet cake mix made into other things, like a dip, is very odd to me though, and not something done here. We had some women who made a lot of money out of a recipe book called 4 Ingredients. The idea was they were busy mums and would make dinners out of only 4 ingredients. Of course a lot of those ingredients were things like BBQ shapes, which contain about 50 ingredients themselves, most of which are preservatives and food colourings, radioactive waste etc. So it was basically cheat food a la Sandra Dee and her cooking program which I find so entertaining.
      Very funny re the random schools and your reasoning behind it. I think the people with no idea often do win these things as there's absolutely no thought/ overthinking put into it... like me!!

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    3. those 4 ingredients things were full of weird processed stuff. I knew people who swore by them. I am not making this up.

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  21. Could care less about football. ADORE you. Thank you for sharing You with us.

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  22. Hysterical post...loved it, Andrew! The cleaning of your bobeches made me laugh out loud! Most people don't even know what those are! I must say I am crazy about COLLEGE football.....professional, not so much. You might be more interested in watching if you would just focus on how tight the running backs' asses are....you could bounce a quarter off, I'm bettin'! Something about those uniform asses just makes me a little cray cray....is this bad since I'm a 64 yr. old woman? Anyway, your foray into Fantasy Football was a scream and shows why your family and friends love you so much.....you partook of something you hate just for them!!!! Last point....TV is off during dinner...Music rules!

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    1. Hahaha hey you have a pulse, don't you? I have some great news for you, there are much easier ways to see perfect asses without annoying interruptions from from my tanning salon nemesis, Kirk Herbsrtreit (a story for another day)! Oh I think my brother regrets having me in this league terribly!! Totally agree, music is much better white noise.

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  23. You made my day!!! I want to have Thanksgiving at your house😘!

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  24. I read this post aloud to Charlie because the way you think of football is the way I think of football. Except I find the hockey players sexier than any locker room footballers. He said to tell you that ikat ass or not, at least they get to retire by like 35. As a serious fantasy footballer he just shook his head and had no comment about your tactics. I however, was slapping my knee while rocking back and forth in the chair cracking up because I would have done the same thing and looked at the draft session as a reason to bring a platter of sliced pumpkin bread or some other delicious autumnal treat.
    Many years ago Charlie brought me to a NY Jets game (not because he's a fan but because my stepfather had awesome season tickets he gave us) to teach me football. Despite his explanations it still seems that they just run arbitrarily around for no reason. I just don't get it. Hockey, on the other hand, is fast, tough and who doesn't mind burly men who don't mind getting their teeth knocked out just to kick some ass? That's my kind of sport. But I digress.
    We have ZERO tv's anywhere near the dining room table in this house or the last one. Besides, if the weather cooperates I fully intend to serve Thanksgiving outside on the deck this year. I agree about the disappointing Thanksgiving features in the magazines and Bon Appetit which is usually my fave was so off point it actually made me sad. I don't want Thanksgiving diluted with weird hybrid dishes and such. I want the classics with a little twist or spin on them here and there. I did love that barn Thanksgiving feature in Martha and that table in the photo you posted from it - LOVE.
    P.S. I traveled to Arkansas all week and found the most amazing little antique mall outside Little Rock called Blue Suede Shoes (insert laugh crying emoji) and the prices!!!! The prices!!!! If I wasn't flying home I would have gone berserk. As it was I had to buy an ugly tote bag that said Arkansas on it at the airport to safely carry the things I couldn't resist. I found 2 etched tumblers that I am dying over and I know you would too. I must send you a pic- they are divine.

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    1. Haha none of them do retire at 35 though! I still am not convinced it's worth it! I really don't mind hockey! But I think my favorite sport to watch is golf. Basically I like it that I'm not stuck in one place and can wear a polo and shorts instead of a jersey and can have a g&t before, during, and after. Oh a surprise rural antique store is the greatest, let alone when it is in the South!
      I think you are too in barn love to actually see that barn for what it is! Look at the proportions of it! And that awful table! I HATE that whole article! I would love to see the tumblers!

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    2. I find watching gold very soothing and have been super successful in betting on the games. Nice outfits, beautiful wives, lots of green…plus the Mr and the Kid are addicted.

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  25. This year I am doing a Williams Sonoma Thanksgiving and everyone can kiss my ass. I mean really I slave, slave every year. Roasted turkey, gravy,stuffing, green beans wrapped in bacon, sweet potatoes,parker rolls. Pecan and pumpkin pies for god's sake etc. etc. Home made people!! For what? 15 minutes tops. And usually by the time we sit down everybody's too drunk and the side eye starts. hahaaha . Football? Nope. We play ping pong on the dining room table after the feast. I am the champion. :)

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    1. I love that you play ping pong after dinner! The kids in my family like to play beer pong at Christmas so I'm trying to decide what table to use. I wouldn't have ever thought of my dining room table! Haha there is no shame! Cooking should be a pleasure! You will have a better time and a fresher arm for ping pong!

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  26. So funny Stephen, I am missing my American Thanksgiving, so enjoy living vicariously through you. We are not football fans, or soccer{THE ITALIANS ARE CRAZY FOR IT}. Yesterday, after pressing olive oil, we stopped for a late lunch, and there were THREE tvs in the dining room, all playing the same soccer game. Nice?

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh I'd love to hear about pressing olive oil! Oh my god I hate soccer soooo much! I played soccer and hated it all except snack break, which I also usually hates because the snacks were bad.

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  27. Ok I got so lost during this post because of the Cultural Divide, what the hell is fantasy football? is it like an office footy tipping comp??

    Love the clean dome and all the HW gifs.

    Confused xxxxx PS election obsessed. who will win? x

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    1. Hahaha I so wish it were called footy tipping here! Yes I think they're very similar! I think Trump will win Ohio. But if he doesn't I don't think he can win overall. Hillary can afford to lose us but he can't.

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  28. I just love your posts; they make me giggle and outright guffaw, and if there's anything we could all use more of these days, it's laughter. As soon as I read this I checked my bobeches, and yes, they're dusty, but since I'm hightailing it to my son's tiny apartment in NYC for a paper-plate Thanksgiving, I left them alone. There'll be time to climb a ladder in December to dust them. Also, I've been disappointed in Bon Appetit magazine for a while now. I collected issues of BA and Gourmet forever, but recently parted with all except the November and December issues. Had to keep those. The way-back issues are the best. Something about the BA style and content now just makes me say "eh - whatever." And the exterior of that "True Grit" house (stupid name for the article) is amazing (and since I may be heading from flyover land back to my East coast home state soon to start a different life, I've been looking at true New England architecture style houses) ... but the interior? Blech. I would have loved to have had Ellie decorate my house. She had impeccable taste. I bought a vintage gilded starburst mirror from her, and every time I see it I think of her and her style and strength and grace. And now every time I see my dusty bobeches, I'll think of you and your wit and incredible cooking skills and entertaining style! Looking forward to your next Thanksgiving installment ...

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh I know I would have loved to have seen more and more of Ellie's design. Especially on American houses! Ooooh back to New England! How exciting! Yes, leave the bobeches for another day. The dust will still be there! I agree, BA is consistently disappointing. It's all just so lazy to me. Like lazy parading as though it's chic which is so annoying. I think their styling is so sparse! Who wants that?! I have quite a few old November Gourmets and just love them!

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  29. Came back and re-read this great post today. So glad you posted! Am going to polish silver right now! Am going to try a slap pumpkin pie. The only way to get the correct crust to filling ratio would be to have decorative crust on top. Have you linked to your pumpkin pie recipe? You may have posted it before I discovered you. Again - thanks for inspired holiday posts! Aunt Jean

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    1. Thank you so much! Oh I'm so glad you're going to try the slab pie! Please report back!
      Here it is:
      http://stephenandrewblog.blogspot.com/2016/10/now-theyre-eating-hubbard-pie_24.html?m=1

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